kindness is a choice
I read a post about being kinder than necessary and thought I’d share about what happened to me in the last week. And so, this post will be about kindness. I intended my second post to be published way earlier than this one, but the universe decided I needed to go through what I’m about to tell you now so I didn't have the time.
The last week was particularly difficult. A series of unfortunate events had unfolded in regards to a project that I've been working on for the past 6 months. The project represents the final requirement in completion of my degree.
I have been fortunate that my friends who I worked with on this are talented individuals. Our team had really pushed each other to the limit. I myself discovered skills I did not know I had. And finally, we completed our objectives and successfully presented it to a panel. We were on cloud nine. My first thought was that I can finally get my full 8 hours of sleep. I felt such a great weight off my shoulders. We had a fully functional app that I think could actually help people. So, graduation day became something I can realistically look forward to.
Another thing about the project: it came with a research paper that justifies the need for the app and the test results after user and expert evaluation. As part of the process, the paper needed to undergo checks such as AI detection, plagiarism and some other stuff before it is officially published. A deadline has been set. On the last day, the halls were packed with students acquiring signatures for approval sheets and the certifications for the checks. We only had one cert left. I'm going to spare everyone the details of how that afternoon felt and smelled like a makeshift battlefield (and the specifics on the issues of our project).
Long story short, there was a misconfiguration in our file that led to a lacking certificate. The setback had invalidated our work, even if we had proof that it was a misconfiguration. When we explained, made follow-ups and requested for reassessment, we were met with hostility and gaslighting. This happened a few times throughout the day. It did not matter how beautiful I thought our software was. We were insulted. I started becoming scared our work would be reduced by the error and people were so busy and angry at the chaos so the office could not give us the light of day to just listen. We fell behind and had to wait for a few days to try again.
The weekend came, then a holiday. Some other stuff had happened that did not help our standing and just fed me and my friends' anxiety. It was some few days of torture, but the offices finally opened and we formed a plan to do a clutch. Things were not so busy anymore at that time because everyone else was one step ahead already. Then, we found another assessor that was kind enough not to immediately assume we committed offense while writing the research. It was done the same morning.
When it was over, I started becoming scared that the recent happenings, unforgettable as it was, would shadow the other previous memories our team had. I fantasized about being asked what are the challenges I faced with this project. I felt compelled to mention this one because it taught me the lesson of how someone's reaction can go such a long way. It happens in split seconds. The jerk of a hand. A slip of the tongue. An explosion. Words that are spoken before being given a single thought. It can be quite dangerous when the brevity of these instances sometimes oppose the longevity of its impact.
I write of this now, thinking about how they first reacted to us failing the certification and reflecting on the justification of their reaction. I would like to remember that in moments of pressure and chaos, being kind and thinking before speaking are essential. It is as if people are land mines. We lead ourselves to self destruction if we have no self control. As a side effect, the people around us suffer something beyond their control.
I feel like I aged a decade after this. Looking back to it now, it seems to be that it would have been a whole different experience if the chaos did not mess with their heads. If our first request was responded to with kindness, would it have saved us from the frustration? A lot of time would have been saved if we were spared at least 5 minutes. I guess it was easier to scold and lecture and assume guilt. Otherwise, I think I'd have felt assured and I didn't have to doubt myself or the months work we've put in the project.
Nevertheless, it all worked out in the end. I’m glad it’s over and I was with my friends. I think it would be very unrealistic to think that everyone will choose to be kind. For a lot of us, it can be especially hard when we’re overcome with other emotions such as anger and fear. Kindness is not an emotion, though. There’s this another layer where we parse what we feel and let it show through words and actions. I’d like to remember that regardless of what I’m feeling, I have a split second chance to choose how I will act. And being kind will always be a choice I want to make.
Thanks for stopping by. . .