life update - april 2025
Today is April 6th. When I wrote on my journal today, I thought how it cool it was when the numbers of the month and the day are multiplied and the product is the last two digits of the year. Only then I realized it is the year of 2025 and this mini spectacle took place last year, April 6, 2024. I hope I remember this when May 5th comes along.
I’m at the apartment this weekend, which meant today is a cooking day. Our place smelled like the fish I cooked in the morning. The oils were suspended in the air and ventilation is scarce (not that it was very abundant in the first place) because it’s that time of the year again. I mopped our floor and scrubbed the countertops clean while r set out the used coffee grounds from the office. It’s summer! As exclaimed by many, even if it doesn’t really count as such because we are in a tropical country. Indeed, it is very hot, the sun has been relentless in the past few weeks and most kids’ school year has just ended. It’s summer, in a way that my family has already booked tickets to a water park up north for Lent and I don’t resent the office’s AC anymore for giving me the chills a few months ago.
It’s summer, as I’m very much reminded in the past week, when I spent my work day afternoons writing a script for a small work event with a summer beach party theme. I’ve used the words waves, splash, dive and bright so much, I’ve actually been dreading if for whatever reason it rains on the day of the event because it will result to most of the script being invalid. I’ve also used up all my exclamation points. I want to cut myself some slack and claim that I have, in fact, been writing at the very least even if it wasn’t for the blog or my journal. I was asked and recruited by a colleague who is organizing the event, who I think took notice of me spending the shuttle ride after work on my phone reading. Not that it was equivalent to script writing, but I was like, what the hell, sure.
I’m glad I’ve finally finished and sent a first draft over before I clocked out on Friday. My colleague did reassure me I could use a template and AI as the script needed to be done quickly. I followed his advice, though I’m not as proud or comfortable of using ChatGPT compared to when I did a year ago. Using it is not as fun after realizing it’s slop after slop after slop. For some strange reason, it reminds me of Chihiro’s parents in Spirited Away eating all those food. Slop slop slop. This is on my mind because my Facebook feed was filled with AI images of people Studio Ghiblifying their pictures. I feel insulted and disrespected on behalf of Miyazaki. On one hand I think that of course anyone can do whatever the fuck they want, I guess, and it’s also easier to put the blame on the tools that allow people to do this. AI art is an oxymoron, btw. It’s icky and by all means, ugly. Putting this shit out is harmful for artists who actually do the work. In the end I just feel very sad for people who do this. Nothing says I lack the talent or skill or even the vulnerability to try to do this myself more than creating AI “art”.
Yes, I’ve spent a lot of time on Facebook for the past few weeks. Stay with me, I had a reason and I’m happy to report I’ve stayed off of it now. It all started several weeks ago, when me and r mused on the idea of material things. It started with this question:
What’s the most expensive thing you’ve spent your own money on?
r breezed through listing a few of her possessions, like her RX 6600. I could also answer the question for some of my friends who have also recently joined the workforce. A recently built PC, a Nintendo Switch, home appliances, a new phone. Then, it is a different case for me. I’ve spent money on flight tickets and travel experiences but it does not count because they do not materialize... So. It dawned on me that I have nothing. My current phone was bought by my mom back in my first year of college. My skincare, sure, I’ve spent money on these but it’s not a single thing and they’re not that expensive. My clothes, I haven’t really bought much and the ones that cost a lot were also gifted to me. I don’t have my own laptop or PC at the moment, as the one I built is at my parents’ house and used by my brother, both of which were also on my parents’ tab.
I keep thinking some more and I’ve arrived at that conclusion that I am not a materialistic person. Most of the time and in most people, that’s not a problem. Then it became a problem for me when I’ve been blabbering about wanting an e-reader since early 2024 and up until earlier this year I still don’t have one. It’s a problem when I know in myself and in truth that I could afford it and for the past year I’ve just gotten used to gaslighting myself into forgetting and delaying getting the things I want, just because it costs more than a month of my rent. I eventually realized it wasn’t fair because I kept waiting for the perfect deal or the right time to feel like I deserve it. It’s a form of neglect, this self deprivation. Am I just not used to having my own money? Why can’t I get the things I want for wanting’s sake?
Anyway aside from the realizations and all that, r, my poor girl, must have been so tired hearing me whine about wanting a Kindle and then not buying it (I also told her not to give it to me as a gift because I want to earn it, god, am I insufferable). So when I told her I plan to buy her something (a thing that costs more than my rent) as her graduation gift, she went off on me at how I can’t even buy things for myself. As always, the woman had a point. She is my greatest defender, even from myself.
So after that very long prologue, I want to tell you that I have a Kindle now (!!). I’ve been waiting for listings in a Facebook group in the past weeks, contacting sellers offering their pre-loved e-readers, which is why I’ve been logging in on there. It’s a Kindle Basic 2022 that came with a case and a pop socket. I’ve been enjoying it very much and still trying to get the hang of it, getting books, highlighting and taking notes. E-ink is magic and holding the device brings me a lot of joy. Thank you, tb.
This concludes the highlights of the past two weeks. Either it’s not much or I’ve forgotten to mention other things. It’s likely the latter. Am still looking for book recommendations and I’d probably post a first quarter report for the books I’ve read some time in the future.
Until then, it feels great to be back. Thanks for coming by ^^
06 Apr, 2025