the first day of may
Today is Labor day and the first day of May. I caught up with maintenance work here at the house and other places of my life, including the blog, so here we are now. The first days of the month always have me strangely productive and active, either because I am trying to compensate for what I didn’t do the month before or just for the sake of setting a tone for the rest of the upcoming one.
When 2025 started, I decided that every month I will set a to-do list that will be accomplished within that month. I also said I’d take myself out on a date and summarize and audit my finances by the last week. I’ve been at it and kept at it, until this fourth month, April, in which much has happened that was out of my regular programming if such a thing exists.
Make no mistake, it was all quite alright and I don’t regret anything. Oh, only except, the weather has been torture. I’d taken a break from running every week because of how hot it was, even at only 6 in the morning. Showering twice a day has been a newly found practice in the past weeks. We don’t have an AC unit at the apartment, so I don’t know how much else the heat has affected the way of things, but I know it did. It is just so hot that I start thinking about rioting. I really can’t imagine how it’s only going to get hotter from here on out.
Anyway. I just wanted to run by everything I did this month that made April pass by in a blink. I bought my Kindle in the first week, on April Fool’s, grateful I've evaded a prank. My life changed when I finished my first Sarah Waters book, Tipping the Velvet, on that. I wrote the script for that work event, I hope now it will be the first and last time I will ever do anything of the sort.
I stressed and stressed about my family deciding what to do for Lent, which here, aside from Jesus activities, was the week that everyone and their families will head to the nearest body of water (most likely a beach) and have their own annual family vacations. Of course my family has never been an exception. We are just like any other average middle-class unit so we went to a water park and a beach. Maundy Thursday and Good Friday are holidays here, that is, so when I asked my mom if this was the norm even before, she’d just said - people got jobs and PTOs and decided to line it up with it.
Before leaving the resort we stayed at, my dad and my brother... I don't know if I should say if they fought, but my brother did a thing that made my dad furious so he lost his shotgun rights later in the car. My mom cried that afternoon because of their “fight”, even if she was just an observer as I am. I can’t place the exact reason but I think I know why. The traffic on Easter Sunday, when it was time to go home, aged me for at least a couple of years. Being boxed in our sedan, the awkwardness from the fight and the heat that made the car’s cooling capabilities come up short made me a little bit insane. A drive that was only supposed to be 5 hours doubled, with everyone else trying to go home and back to the city. I feel so bad for my dad who drove the entirety of it, despite my insistence.
Looking back, I didn’t have a lot of pictures on the beach, I just got r a cool black rock and walked the coastline. The most memorable of it all, was the mangoes I had eaten in those few days. It has been the sweetest ever and I wish all the mangoes I will ever eat in my life will taste just like it.
some thoughts on pressure
Earlier this April, I was just about to start having thoughts on how there was no pressure at all in my life these days. I’m almost never stressed out at work, which is one of the most decent things about my job. I wanted to think about how being at this age and starting new things, the freedom I’ve gained, had me spending my days without the clearest of tangible goals that I did not invent myself. I’m at a loss for a template, and I was just about to come to a conclusion, if I was so inclined to embark on a self-imposed adventure to seek pressure, challenge myself or otherwise, stay stagnant at this point in my life, where restlessness comes only sometimes. Wait for pressure to force itself upon me one way or another.
Later in the month, it was time for me to help r with her boards as part of her final requirements for university. It was tough and time-consuming work, but we pushed through. I might have to admit I took it so seriously and I guess it may be because it has been a while for me to be in the context of being given a responsibility that came with a deadline. It would have been impossible to finish if I slacked. For some reason, the result was what we expected. It was beautiful, and I have yet to wonder if I can only really bring my best when I’m in situations like this, when I’m being poked to the edge of the cliff and ready to meet the depths below, only then will something great will burst out of me.
Since when did I pay so much attention to myself? Each day something is revealed about me, by me, and some things I can’t help but dislike. My lack of discipline, my taking of shortcuts, my impatience and so on and so on. I’m still here though, trying to befriend and love myself. It’s going to be quite the bit for the rest of my life and at least I don't plan on giving it up.
On that note, my self-date is overdue and I hope to have it soon. I’m probably going to a coffee shop again as I know it makes my heart happy. I remember this post from ava about my blog’s scent. I wanted to let you know for the longest time that for this blog, it’s the smell of coffee. The hot kind of cup to have early in the morning. From the colors to the stuff I share here, I’ve always wanted it to emulate a similar warmth and comfort to a cup of coffee.
The theme already plays the part, yes? With that and being beholden to hear about my life happenings in the previous month, it is fitting now to thank you for catching up with me today :]
May May be kind! May May be maybe... This feels such a silly thing to say, it made me giggle.
01 May, 2025