the moon at around 7:00 pm

05 Apr, 2026

When was the last time you saw the moon from inside your home?¹

For me, I think it has been years until the other night. Me and r were just about to have dinner when we discovered the moon could be seen from our studio apartment's window at around 7 in the evening. We were sitting on our floor and we had to look up at a certain angle, but it was there just the same, positioned between the shape of a neighbor's roof and our window. We were absolutely in awe of the almost full, shining moon. After 2 years of living in a unit on the ground floor where it was difficult for even sunshine to reach us, something as simple as this sparks joy in my heart.

I write this in the first week of April, but I wish to write about my life in the past couple of months. I have been writing though it is only very little, lodging some lists, small accounts of my day in a new journal that I've nominated (black, spiral bound and ruled). And of course as always I wish to be writing more. I think sometimes I could only be at my prime if I write everyday. Like for my sanity. Now it feels like I am doing a general cleaning of my brain, one that you do in between a few months, dusting off corners, wiping surfaces you wouldn't on a usual day, and now I am face-to-face with the build-up of news, feelings, and the smallest of moments.

In February, r's mom passed away. Mama would have had her birthday only more than a week after, but that was not the case. She was, in every sense, another mother to me. As a matter of fact, she had accepted me for who I am way before my own family could. That is the kindness that I have found in r's family ever since I met her and until recently this February when I met all of them, from the tita's to the cousins and got to know them better. Three months before, it was a battle for her health. It was these couple of months when I myself was unbelieving it would lead to the worst. It did, and it is just so difficult to fathom nothing was wrong in the first 10 months of the past year. Then again no matter how much time it could have been, nothing in this world could have prepared you for it. I try to remember what me and mama last talked about when everything was fine. Though I learned from the first week, when we were accommodating guests for her wake, that my own memories were not enough and never will be. I got to know Mama through r's memories, ate and kuya's and her siblings', the people who came, and it just tells us she was so very loved and of how much she had led a beautiful life, one that is well-lived with kindness and resilience, and it is how I will remember her forever.

It is never going to be the same, but losing someone and then going back to work and the world after some weeks just really humbles you. Me and r are keeping on and going on. I'm grateful that we both have fine support systems, individually and each other, and that makes quite the difference.

March has been kind to me and r. It was and felt quick, though not in a monotonous way. We've just had many outings with family and friends. And if we were not outside, we have taken a great seriousness to our side quests at our apartment, may it be on the weekends or even after a long day's work. I will just list them from what I remember, but most are from AN ENORMOUS BOUNTY of vegetables that I received from work, harvested by our local farmers as an initiative of my company. This ENORMOUS BOUNTY of 2 BIG HEADS OF CABBAGES AND 1 VERY HEAVY NAPA CABBAGE AND DEAR GOD A NUMBER OF 72 TOMATOES... I hauled them all from work and into our home and got to work exploring recipes where we could use them. So we concocted 2 salad recipes, one with yogurt one without (me and r specifically had just taken to getting to know yogurt after more than 20 years of existence).

I did a sinigang recipe in which its broth I was not surprised to see almost looking like the one you would put in pasta. I did a classic tomato and eggs. CABBAGE ROLLS with ground meat. Lots of sauces on the side, but really my highlight was the sinigang because it is a well-loved dish in our home.

I remember the beautiful Sunday we had that for lunch. I went to the market in the morning, went home and had breakfast with r. I cleaned and organized the goods I bought from the market while r went into preparing ginger shots for us. I don't think I ever mentioned she won a blender at her company christmas party last year. So that's how the couple of days after that I never knew how aggressive a line of ginger in your throat would be that I would make a very visceral sound after taking the shot. Anyway, we ate the sinigang for lunch, then in the afternoon we went to the park in Intramuros for a picnic. We brought the salad, fruits and uno cards. Took a lot of pictures and videos~ It was really just a beautiful day. Sometimes you're just under a tree, laying on the grass and the sun just shines through the leaves with some of its light resting so gracefully on the face of the love of your life, and you'd think this is what life is all about. Many times I think it is so very simple how much it would take to make me happy and for joy to arrive in my life. I have welcomed it.

In other news, I also started going to the gym. I am the first in my whole family and ancestry line to have a gym membership. I have been keeping at it for a month, lifting 3 times a week. My running era is now in hiatus, officially. I don't know if this is discipline, or just me, who spent thousands of pesos on a 6-month gym membership², who could barely buy herself new sets of clothes or stuff, cannot help but actually show up because the thought of the money being wasted terrifies me so much and my world would end if I don't make the most of the membership. No kidding though, I think I am enjoying the gym, though I have not yet made any friends... I know I can identify myself as an extrovert most times but I guess it is different when I don't know anyone in the room... I did accept how much of a beginner I actually am. I learned of ego-lifting and the Hevy app. Protein... but I'm still too lazy to count. My only mindset for my diet right now? As long as it is a meal that I enjoy and fulfills me and my appetite then I am good to go. After that I just hope for the best.

Another update, my father is back home. We just went to the beach this weekend. I missed him, but also I realized whenever I see a flaw in my parents my default is to teach myself to not do it. Like. They did it, but I gave myself the talking to. What is wrong with me. I think I have long accepted that I can never really change my parents. Hell, I am hooked on the idea that people in general rarely change, at least, not in the way we want to when they hurt us. Given that, it is still a fact that I am happy he is here. I'm grateful in a number of ways, and my childhood home is just easier to come home to after the fortnight in the city when he is around.

Me and my family have an upcoming trip this April, and I'm the designated planner and leader of everything about this overseas trip. This is taking up a lot of real estate on my mind, but I cannot for the life of me let my parents sign us up for another agency when I can very well do it myself...³ We love to travel but our finances can only take us so far, so like any other middle class Filipino family, we're opting in for a comfortable but not a luxurious route, but we also wanna make the most of the trip. That and we no longer understand why travelling in our own islands and provinces is more expensive/less value for money than taking a trip to our SEA/EA neighbors... Maybe in some years we will finally come to our nation's final evolution form: a country-sized amusement park.

These past few months I also: got my first credit card and bought my own suitcase and FINALLY a mechanical keyboard⁴ (!!) These I consider are financial highlights, as the suitcase costs roughly the same as my rent and the keyboard is half of it. By now, material purchases that equal or almost equal my rent live in my mind rent-free and I doubt if I ever really deserve them from time to time!!!

Today me and r went to the roller skating rink and had a date because tomorrow is my first day on the Night Shift month again and that's how April will look like for me. I have a heavy work thing update... but since it is not so positive I don't want to talk about it yet :') Maybe after it is resolved. My parents are also renovating our kitchen and my brother's bedroom. I have watched Project Hail Mary with friends. I have binged High Potential, so happy with this series I am now planning a rewatch with r.

Oh, wow - I almost also forgot to say that my guestbook is so broken and spam has taken over my Komments page despite being disabled. And that is everything that happened to me, I think.

It is very, very hot now over here. The start of our country's annual free trial to hell (gas prices doubled in the past month, btw) !!! Though by the third quarter of the year, we will again be the most resilient of all. As if it is on me to be persistent... Well.

After everything, I will look at my window at around 7:00 PM to check if the moon has passed by and I will welcome the joy that is to come in my life <3

#2026 #life